Thursday, November 3, 2016

A letter to our unborn child

When my husband and I first started trying to have children we got pregnant faster than we expected. We were both so excited. As I took that pregnancy test I remember feeling like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. In just 3 little minutes we would find out if our lives would change forever. Much to our surprise it was positive.

photo credit: Daquella manera Dos rayas via photopin (license)

We barely had time to get use to the fact that we were going to be parents. We told only our closest family and a few close friends. They were so excited for us.

I wish I could say our story ended happily, but a short while later at just 11 weeks I lost the baby due to a miscarriage. The hospital called it a "spontaneous abortion". I despise that word,  I would never have an abortion. I had a miscarriage, and to call it an abortion on any level is just wrong in my book.

It has taken me many years to even type these words, but I wanted to publicly write a letter to our unborn child. Why publicly? Because I want other moms to know that they are not alone! You are not alone!

Dear Baby,
Hello, I am your mom. Unfortunately, soon after we found out we were expecting, we lost you. I am so sorry we never got to meet.

I want you to know that you were wanted very much. You are missed each and every day and you are loved.

 I often wonder if you were a boy or a girl; I wonder who you would look like; what your voice would sound like. I wonder what your personality would be like. 
 I wonder what your hopes and dreams would be. I bet you would have a kind and caring heart. I often wonder if you would have played sports or been in band. Who you would have dated and who your friends would have been. 
Would you have been a girl who loved pink, hair bows and ballet? Or would you have been a boy who loved to play sports, play in the dirt and mud, ride bikes and collect bugs?

I think about you ALL the time!  
When we lost you, you were so tiny you could fit in the palm of my hand, but I could see where your tiny eyes would be, your tiny arms, and where your tiny little legs would soon grow. 
We never got to hear your heartbeat, or see you on the ultrasound screen. 

You were born into heaven. I imagine Jesus holding you and saying "Do not be afraid, you are safe here and will meet your mom someday soon." 
I know that you are safe and will never have to experience any pain that this cruel world causes so often. 

I love you baby and I can't wait to meet you someday soon!

Love always, 
                                   Your mommy